when you know your heart will break

image from google news search

I know Monday or maybe Tuesday my life will change forever.

There is a gnawing thought that I refuse to entertain.  What happens if  I step off the plane in the middle of 100,000 refugees from our burned up, bombed out northern border in the middle of desert, famine and war and I don’t have what they need?

I know, silly me.  Of course I will pack rations for at least 10,000 in my carry on.

But then again however will we see the greater things than these unless we are willing to risk everything on a promise from Him?  I know Jesus fed 5,000 with 5 loaves, 2 fishes and a little boys extravagant offering.  What might He do with 100 loaves and 40 fishes and this little lady’s heart wholly given to Him?

The bottom-line truth is, no amount of baked bread will satisfy (though we will buy every scrap we can in neighboring areas prepared for it to multiply as we give it away).

I am diving in way over my head and I know it.  If I stop and see and love, one at a time it will be enough.  See one, feed one, cry with one, hold one, LOVE ONE.  It is not always about great victory and miracles.  Sometimes it is just about great love.   About being willing to let your heart break again, and again, and again.  If there is no heart break, there can be no real joy.

His Kingdom comes in the places where I most know my need. And I know my heart will break deeper to make room for more of His.  I never want my eyes to turn away from that which He is seeing, or my heart to shy away from what He is feeling.

I want to run with Him into the darkness because there, THERE even the smallest light can chase away the night. And I carry THE Light of the world.

So yes I may feel overwhelmed and inadequate.  I am.  Overwhelmed by His heart and inadequate without Him…  But in Him, IN HIM: what might He do with a life wholly given to be broken, blessed and multiplied that a nation might eat Living Bread?

I only know one way to find out.