When Your Heart Is Breaking

heartbrkn1For the last two years I have shared how it feels like a piece of my heart is missing, left in the red soil of the world’s newest nation.  How can I invest my whole heart when it is only partially available?  I ask God tough questions.  Real raw relationship is where it is at for me.

Last night I sat down with a notebook and began counting the pieces of dreams scattered across miles and moments.  Working with images and color rather than language allowed me to find words after the fact. I really didn’t know what I was drawing or where it was going. I just kept doodling on until it became what it is now.

Sometimes the bravest kind of creativity isn’t about the product, but the process we engage to reach it and the understanding we gain as we embrace the journey.

I felt like I left the best part of my heart in Africa.  I stepped off the continent of Africa into a dark, grey, stormy season of unknowing.  But it wasn’t the darkness of evil, it was the thick darkness where God is (Exodus 20:21). Until we are willing to trust Him in the dark, we will limit our ability to carry His light.

This trust walk through the unknown has tested every part of me. But slowly the darkness is becoming bright with renewed expectation.

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It dawned on me…

What if the pain of my heart breaking, was actually the pain of my heart being broken open and enlarged?  Instead of a piece of my heart being planted in Africa, Jesus has allowed Africa to be planted forever in my heart, forever in my story.  Nothing left behind but all things woven together in Him, for Him, through Him.

What if the very things meant to break us down actually become the things that break us open to more of Him and His promise?  This is the mystery and the beauty of His unfailing love. May you find His goodness overwhelming you friends.  And may you find every corner or bend in the road of your journey spilling His joy.

You are loved.

Michele